My Little Sister
by Thingy
Summary: When Yoruichi spoke her voice was vulnerable but heavy with emotion.  "No matter what I say," She rasped "I love you so much I cannot leave. But when family get too close, I always find it hard to breath."


**My little sister**

At first glance the two of them seemed closer than anyone else in the room. Standing side by side, arms brushing slightly, it certainly seemed as if no one could come between them. Even after a century of separation there didn't appear to be any cracks or problems in their relationship.

Those who had known the Goddess of Flash and her protégé before the betrayal and had witnessed the wilting of the flower called Soifon, couldn't see anything was wrong. The two of them? They just grinned, already back in their original roles.

A smirk and the shortest of the two got dragged outside.

"C'mon Soifon, this place is suffocating me."

"Ye-yes, Yoruichi-sama."

One servant, one master.

That is how it all started. Simply that that demanded to be served and one who would gladly give her life to do so.  
But has there ever been a case where two who spend so much time together kept the distance their profession dictated? Is it that much of a surprise that a low born noble could befriend a goddess?

"Ne, Soifon? Do you remember this?"

The raven haired captain glanced up, smiling softly. Pink velvety petals fluttered down.

"How could I not?"

After all, it was here that she once heard those words that had filled her heart with joy.  
Back then she had ran her fingers through her master's hair, enjoying the peace around them.

"You're my best friend."

The words had left the sleepy were-cats mouth before she knew it.

_No you're not_. The voice Yoruichi had heard in the back of her mind made her open her eyes, looking straight into stale grey ones.

"You're my sister." In a way, it sounded like a correction.

They had looked at each other for a while before golden eyes fell shut again. Both knew the truth behind the words.

Master and Servant, friends, family. It was the path they had travelled, leading them to the moment where they had been closer than ever before.

Then had followed the so called betrayal, cruelly ripping them apart.

A shadow flashed across Yoruichi's face as they walked further into the grove.

True, Aizen had caused a lot of damage to the both of them but even before there were cracks in the illusion of perfection.

_You're my sister, stay in your place. I can't pretend that you're not threatening to me. I need my space. I'm not lying, I value survival over you._

She had wanted to scream the words in the face of the girl, wanted to make her see that the person she admired so much wasn't perfect. But that look of admiration still stopped her. It was an unnecessary cruelty to tell her just how much the worship hurt.

At first, the attention and admiration the Fon gave her was flattering. Then it became a nuisance because it blocked an equal friendship between the two. In the end it was only painful. The eyes watching her every move hampered her freedom. Of course, she had other bodyguards. But their looks were clinical and never judged her actions. Even if they had been, she just wouldn't have cared. None of the other guards ever got so close to her as Soifon had been at the time.

Being high nobility, obviously her freedom had its boundaries. Not even she could break them all. The freedom she _did_ have was enough to make her forget about everything she didn't want to know.

People rotting away in Maggot's Den only because they sought _their_ freedom. Comrades falling in useless battles. Cutting down creatures that had once been loving human beings.

To stop thinking about the pain and horror all around, she drank, she played silly games and always she hid behind the façade of a child so people wouldn't see she hated everything her life existed of.

To have the strict and uptight Chinese girl follow her around and constantly remind her of the things she tried so hard to forget... it stung. It hurt.  
Despite the love and respect she had for her bodyguard, or perhaps exactly because of that, it was hard to deal with.

Yoruichi didn't want to let her down but the reminder wasn't what she wanted either. In a way, this feeling was foreign to her.

Raised by the proper rules and etiquette, friends were never equal to her. Always, always she stood one step above them. Not even Kisuke, who everyone believed was either like a brother or her lover, had managed to take that step up.

She had always felt as if she was on her own. Not alone, mind. She_ had_ friends. Just no one she could completely relax with. No one who would care for her unconditionally.

Then along came a kid who managed to throw her off-balance. Within the shortest of times the girl had found a spot in her heart and made it her home without even knowing.

Once, facing a bunch of Hollows, she saw everyone fall. Everyone.

_I'm on my own._ She'd realised it then. A feeling of sadness had overwhelmed her, even though she perfectly knew she was more than capable of getting out of there without breaking a sweat. Then movement to her right had made her look again. Someone scrambling to their feet.

_No I'm not._ Her eyes widened as she identified the girl. She had stretched her zanpakutō in front of her and obviously in pain she set off to stop a Hollow coming towards Yoruichi.

"I've my sister to fight for me." She softly muttered the words, only realising after she'd spoken them what exactly they meant. Almost paralysed by a strange feeling inside of her, she observed as Soifon defended only to fall, over and over again.

Finally Yoruichi broke free and flash stepped to her side, cutting down the Hollow and catching the now unconscious girl in the same movement.

"I can't pretend that you won't. Because you love myself more than me." With a smile she observed the still face, observed the injuries and sighed softly. "So often you choose me over you."

The words had proven true so many times later on. Until... Aizen.

Yoruichi's thoughts returned to the present. Looking to the side she saw the usual frown occupying her companion's face. With a grin she pushed the frown between her eyes up, startling Soifon. The frown was quickly replaced by an embarrassed smile, but it wasn't even close to the happiness and innocence that used to be there.

With a pang of guilt she looked away. She knew perfectly well it would never return. She had broken her.

_I've tried to heal the wounds, make it as if it never was. And I know I've done my best but I can never heal the scars_.

On impulse she embraced Soifon from behind, pulling her close.

_I wanna say I'm sorry but I know I'll do it again, I'll do it again_. It impossible to apologise for leaving when she knew she would need her freedom again. She would always need her freedom.  
_I'll do it again. I know what I did, but I still don't know the reason._

Yoruichi had just left, doing what she believed was right. Perhaps it was an attempt to reach ultimate freedom. Perhaps she left without a word because she was trying to run away from everything. From Soi even. She didn't know. She didn't and couldn't understand it.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore." The whispered words made the girl tense up. This was the only sentence she could say that was nothing but the truth. The only thing her heart was perfectly clear about.

Now, pulling her close and feeling her love, to hear her breathing, everything seemed fine. Together they were strong, they'd always been strong this way.

But Yoruichi knew she'd push her away again. She knew she would have to protect herself. Whenever someone violated her boundaries, she'd get dangerous. She would be mean just for the sake of hurting someone.

_And it's kill or die, so I choose me over you._

It had happened before. Plenty of times. Not just when her then subordinate did something, but also when others caused her distress.

No one is easier to hurt than those who admire and love you. In a cruel way it's rewarding to see the pain you can cause with a single word or glance. To see the power you have over someone. A willing target to take the blows meant for someone else.

_Lash out in anger. Hit the wrong target._

She released her grip on Soifon and took a step back.

_My little sister._

The captain turned around to face her, her eyes unsure. Their locked only for a second before Yoruichi averted hers. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt so much, dammit!

When she spoke her voice was vulnerable but heavy with emotion.

"No matter what I say," She rasped "I love you so much I cannot leave. But when family get too close, I always find it hard to breath."

She felt scared for the first time in so long. Scared because the big sister was supposed to be the strong one, supposed to take of the little one.

Soifon took a step closer, her hand stretched out.

Yoruichi panicked, turned and flashed off.

How can I say I'm sorry when I know I'll do it again?  
I'll do it again.  
I know what I did but I still don't know the reason.  
How can I say I'm sorry when I know I'll do it again?  
I'll do it again.  
I'll do it to you.  
_I don't want to hurt you anymore._

She choked on her tears and ran. Ran away. Always ran away.

* * *

_AN: I don't own Bleach or the song. Song is "Sorry" by Daniel Bedingfield, by the way._  
_Found the half finished version of this and figured I might as well finish it completely._

_I'd be grateful if you told me what you thought of it. Critiques are more than welcome._


End file.
